Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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