So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
