I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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