Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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