I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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