WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
