I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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