Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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