Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
