In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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