I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
