look no pants
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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