I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
