I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
