I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
