don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
