My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
