Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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