btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
