I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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