I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
