he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
