Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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