cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
