I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
