I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
