I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
