Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
