I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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