toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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