You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
