apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
