my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
