I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
