So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
