so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
