I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
