We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
