That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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