You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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