she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
