The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
