I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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