We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
