i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This baby is an asshole
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
