She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
