Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
