There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
