i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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