i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
