If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
