I will die if light touches me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
